Forever Young
Your mind constantly pulls you back 6 years. The simplicity of absolute meaningless despair, however lost on you at the time, was also the best indication of your ability to feel. Now you forget what it feels like to be vivacious and alive. Teenage angst was your favorite state of being, as hopeless as you felt at the time. You had it all. Your youth, the bright future ahead of you, the privilege of not knowing what happens next. 6 years later you’re cynical and jaded, with not a lot of hope for the day ahead of you. Although you know things won’t always feel like they’ve burnt to the ground and are covered in ash; you know that your eyes will open up again and you’ll remove the veil that’s covering them, you still long for what once was. Your Peter Pan complex will always be a part of who you are, just like you’re 5’9” and naturally blonde with green eyes. You grew up too fast too quickly, because at the time that’s all that you wanted. To be an adult with the right to vote and a car to take you anywhere you wanted to go. Now you realize that was the worst thing you could have wanted. You’re given one shot to make the most of what you’re given, and right now you’re dwelling in a place where, in retrospect, things seemed the best they could have gotten. The weekends were your haven. They were what you lived for. The friends you no longer keep in touch with, your heart swelling with love for them, and now you go days and weeks and months without thinking about them. You’ve created a safe new home for your heart; the people you surround yourself with now are people you can’t breathe without. No fighting, no hurt feelings, no baseless dramatics. You’re an adult, with an adult job and an adult perspective, but your heart still lives in the past you’ll never have back. It’s so bittersweet you try your damnedest not to think about it. Someday soon that lust for life will return to your heart and you’ll be alright with where your life ended up, but for now… you really wish you hadn’t been so selfish and taken it all in so quickly. But at 22, you’ve still got so much to see. Let’s see where it takes you next.
