July 2011
2 posts
I find myself kind of attached to the number 28 right now. It’s a good, solid number for me.
Promise to fill your pockets with posies....
Breathe in, breathe out, survive.
You’re sitting back and wondering why everything feels so completely foreign, and wishing that things, as always, were the way they used to be. If you were 18 again, maybe things wouldn’t be as complicated as they are now. Marc would be alive still, Kent wouldn’t be around to be the douchebag that is married to your mother and hating you every...
April 2011
1 post
January 2011
1 post
i close my eyes and i’m where i was meant to be; 1935 louisiana bayou. nothing but time and history and warm air underneath my wings. almost midnight underneath the moon, nothing but untainted surroundings to distract me, the mosquitos thick and the air finally cool. i’ll dream about the city and all of the big new shiny buildings going up, the possibilities finally endless again. but...
November 2010
4 posts
Forever Young
Your mind constantly pulls you back 6 years. The simplicity of absolute meaningless despair, however lost on you at the time, was also the best indication of your ability to feel. Now you forget what it feels like to be vivacious and alive. Teenage angst was your favorite state of being, as hopeless as you felt at the time. You had it all. Your youth, the bright future ahead of you, the...
October 2010
1 post
May 2010
1 post
March 2010
1 post
holy roller, can you feel my flame?
demi-god to kryptonite. seeing your face makes me sick to my stomach because i should have just locked up my ideal of you and thrown away the key. my illusion of you was far better than the pile of flesh you’re carrying around now. godspeed you, i’m disenchanted.
November 2009
1 post
my sister's keeper
there is a constant war raging inside of me. the part of me that walks in the sun, with the sweet breath of life dancing across my face and my chin held high, vs. the part of me who can’t keep her head above water because the bottom of the ocean seems so provocative and appealing. what would life be if you were constantly happy and content? there would be nothing to think about when...
August 2009
3 posts
you know… for once in my life, having a whole bunch of friends means less to me than politics and what the bottom of my fucking shoe looks like. i live in a nice big townhouse, i have a great job where i make a lot of money, and i have a few friends whom i love dearly, and who love me just as much. so you can go fuck yourself. i’ve got everrrything i need, and nothing you can say to me...
trust no one
i am expendable, and coming to terms with it. as far as friendships go, i’m a 6 year old’s christmas present they play with for a while and grow tired of quickly. you’d think after all of these years i would have learned how to protect myself better than this. i need to learn how to protect my heart.
however; the best remedy for being surrounded by people you can’t trust...
i’ll never understand what it is that i’ve done to you. why you’ve cut me out completely.
the good news is, however, i don’t really care anymore. i’ve always been really good at just forgetting what used to be. how things were… how much fun we had, etc etc. you never gave me a reason as to why one day you woke up and decided i meant shit to you, but...
June 2009
3 posts
it’s kind of funny how something so simple and ordinary can make you feel like you’ll be alright. of course, you always knew you would be. the warrior in you never gives up trying to keep on going. someting as simple as a happy ending in a movie; where a group of four friends remember what it is about eachother that they’ve loved for so many years. or a message, saying that the...
wading wading wading. waiting waiting waiting. tread so deeply into the water that you’re pushing a limit you should be weary of. never take your eye off of the sunset; before long, it’ll be dawn. every precious second you’re wasting by yourself in that mass of beautiful, tainted water is a second you can never find again. dig through the sands of your mind and hope to find them...
i’m starting to settle into the reality that i will always be the shoulder to cry on, without one to cry on myself. these past couple of months have been filled with noting but let-downs and broken promises and to be perfectly honest, it’s nothing i haven’t dealt with before. lonliness is nothing new. i refuse to feel sorry for myself; that’s never really been my style....
May 2009
2 posts
i see so much of myself in you. the fear, the doubt, the anxiety and hesitation. the spirit and motivation, the passion for something you can’t quite put your finger on. you are a warrior, my darling girl. we will get you through this no matter what it takes. no matter how many tears have to be shedthrough this, i will do anything and everything in my power to keep a smile on your beautiful...
milestones
you’re starting to lose your credibility. accountability. yourself. find that person again, because i can’t do it on my own.
my sister graduated from college today. the whole elaborate ceremony that requires practice and a large space made me think of the graduation i won’t be missing out on; standing at the time clock with my closest friends from school, waiting for the second...
April 2009
1 post
exalting
completely inspired. 7 years of wanting to become a part of a world, and i haven’t even stepped one toe into the water. it was a complete reality check knowing that i am at the bottom of the food chain; i’m the blank slate that has to decide whether to fill every last corner with knowledge and skill, or to sit back and just… exist. i heard a quote over the weekend that stuck with...
March 2009
3 posts
all the world's a...
sometimes you can’t really help but miss him. sometimes you miss the time that you spent together; or the things that you did together. sometimes you even miss the way you felt while all the pieces were scrambled. at least then you had something to feel for. how would you have known that things would have ended the way they did? the first time, the one and only time, the last time....
spring awakening
this time last year. everything was changing; the light in the sky burned brigther, the sun blazing with hope and rediscovered delectation. every last drop of lonliness melted away and i was no longer experiencing the sad, pathetic excuse of the human condition. friends to call my own. friends to count on (sort of.) yet again i’m astonished at what a year can do to change everything. i need...
January 2009
10 posts
breathe in, breathe out; survive.
50 years is such a long time to spend with somebody you love. it seems like this generation doesn’t know how to accomplish something like that; no one stays together for the kids anymore. there’s always mountains to climb, there’s always obstacles to overcome, but if you’re with someone you vowed to spend the rest of your life with, why is it so hard to work through it? my...
epiphany-shmiphany
i finally got the opportunity to do something selfless for someone i care about. i’ve decided that i’m over being the drunk girl everyone has to take care of.
i did spend a lot of money yesterday though. a little concerned about it, but it’s just money. i’ll make more.
mad world
the earth tilts as far away from the sun as it can. the coldest air you’ve ever felt breathing across your skin; biting it, freezing you to your very center. this time of year you feel like you’ll never defrost; you’ll be this cold forever. the sun bides it’s time, waiting patiently to shine down on your face once again, to make you happy. the dark gray skies and blinding...
it's obviously that time of year again
i thought i was going to miss it completely; i thought i’d be okay. i honestly thought i was running too fast for that gray cloud to catch up to me but i was wrong. that looming dreariness. the veil over my vision. it’s never anything too serious but it’s enough to make my feet feel like they weigh 100 pounds each when i’m trying to get out of bed in the morning. this time...
no one's taking your heart away
love is the simplest of all human necessities. we’re born with the knowledge of it. we automatically get it from those we came from; those who created us. we grow up surrounded by it and knowing what it feels like to be loved. as we get older, as with all other things, we complicate it. we take it in our hands and twist it around until that one thing we’ve known since infancy is no...
do you too?
disappointment is a funny thing. i knew better.
don't give up hope
when i was younger, i used to sit in my room and wonder what it would be like to have a best friend. i was the lonliest little thing you’ve ever seen. surrounded by the meanest, cattiest, most heartbreaking girls you’ve ever met in your life. i didn’t even have friends until i was in 4th grade. 5th and 6th grade, i was friends with the girls who would invite you to their slumber...
oooh realllllly;;
so, amanda leaves herself logged on to her blog on my laptop.
i would be crazy not to write a little something.
i would’ve been lost completely tonight without this girl, what an amazing friend. i can’t put in to good enough words what our friendship is or means, and the best part is that i don’t have to for her, because she already gets it.
untitled is the best title
i absolutely must keep myself in check
barricades, walls, no chance of getting my hopes up. i can’t do this again.
“you see things; and you say, 'why?' but i dream...
the reoccuring dreams should have warned me; i used to look at dreams as reality. something that i must have pushed back so far into my brain that it only danced in my thoughts when i was asleep. at the time i thought it was just salt in a wound, or my dream reality laughing in my face. like a sick joke. but now i know it was just a preview for what’s to come.
i say this every year, and so...